Lately I've been pretty anxious about my future. "It's normal.", you might say but I hate this feeling of hopelessness and fear.
Universities and jobs are two words that just two years ago seemed like a lifetime away, how is it that now I'm going to have to make a decision in a week or two then pack my bags (most probably) and leave?
This might all have been an easier (not easy, easier) decision to make if when I was young someone forced on me the idea of becoming a doctor or a dentist or a vet or a lawyer so that I would grow up thinking that it would be the ideal job for me. No questions asked.
But no, I grew up where I was able to choose. To do anything I wanted. To dream big.
Some might think this is an amazing situation to be put in, so then why am I complaining?
Just so you know, not everyone (or just me) wants the decision to be put in their hands. Some people like their choices to be made by someone else, someone with better sense and logic.
Well I can't change anything now can I?
It's come down to just four universities and still I'm not sure what to do.
I feel useless and afraid. I feel like shooting myself.
I've actually had suicidal thoughts since form 5, the stress gets to me.
I wouldn't mind pharmacy in Curtin University if doing pharmacy offered me a bright job prospect.
I wouldn't mind speech pathology if it was in Curtin University, not University of Newcastle.
I admit, I am picky when I shouldn't be. It's not like I got a 99.9 and awaiting a better offer ('robots' are awful).
...
Through it all I am so grateful to be blessed with supportive and helpful parents. Honestly, I don't know what I would do without them. These aren't just words, I have made it this far not by my own efforts, but by theirs.
So with whatever I choose (or whatever they choose for me) I will
Failure. Is. Not. An. Option.
Proverbs 22 : 29
29 Do you see a man who excels in his work?
He will stand before kings;
He will not stand before unknown men.